The Bling Thing

All brides know that the first thing anyone asks you once you're engaged is "What does the ring look like?" (if you tell them over the phone), or if you happen make the announcement in person, you will experience the immediate grabbing of your left ring finger for inspection and approval.

Having experienced my own engagement and the recent engagements of my friends, plus reading about other's experiences in the world of wedding blogs, I've quickly learned that engagement rings are a big source of controversy these days.  You have the traditional brides who want the Tiffany & Co. platinum setting, the hipsters and practical brides who want a vintage and/or cruelty free bauble, and the budget minded brides who want something simple that won't break the bank. There are even some who are on board with men wearing engagement rings as well, to symbolize their equal commitment to their relationship.

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But all of this bling controversy begs the question, why have an engagement ring at all? 

When I was home for the holidays and visiting one of my best friends from college, her mother stated that she was never given an engagement ring.  In fact, neither my mother nor my MIL ever had engagement rings either.  According to my friend's mom, their generation, which pioneered the feminist movement, felt that engagement rings were completely unnecessary, and worse, a misogynistic symbol of a man buying a woman.  Why not just have two people make a consenting, adult decision to get married, and then be done with it?

"Well Mom," my friend replied, "I may not need a man to buy me a diamond, but I'd still like one."  

My friend's statement is the perfect representation of my generation's attitudes towards engagement rings.  As woman who grew up in a world where we were taught we are independent, capable, and equal to men, we don't need a ring to symbolize that we are a man's property, but most of us still like the tradition of wearing something sentimental and meaningful to us.  We are able to choose how traditional we want to be (through our engagement ring choice and other life choices) because through their rebellion of cultural norms, our mothers paved the way for us to have any opportunity and freedom we desire. 

To be honest, my husband and I took a more practical route and had already made a mutual decision to get married and even enroll in marriage classes before we made it "official" by him getting me a diamond ring. And while I love my ring and what it represents, I always found it silly that people still don't consider you really engaged until you have that ring on your finger.

What are your views on engagement rings? Do you view them as necessary in our current culture? Would you be willing to get engaged if your fiance did not present you with a diamond?