Premarial Counseling - A Must?

Now that Cape Cod Groom and I are married, I've begun to look back at our wedding process and reminisce.  One element of our ride to the altar that I have been pondering, but never blogged about before, was our marriage classes.

Because we were getting married by my father at the church I grew up at on Cape Cod, we did not do premarital counseling with him since that would be downright akward.  But, it was important to my MIL that we take marriage classes at the church where my husband was raised.  Initially I was not looking forward to the classes.  I felt that as a couple, we already had very good communication and the capability to do so maturely in the event of future disagreements.  Plus, as a therapist myself, I have experience with counseling couples, so I felt I already knew the "basics" of couples counseling and could implement these skills in my own relationship.

That being said, I acquiesced and enrolled in the classes (they were public, not one therapist per couple) because it was important to my husband's family.  Although I won't go into details about the classes here, the gist of them was that each class had a lecture, often by a married couple, about their relationship and what we could learn from their trials and tribulations.  While I did not always agree with their perspective, the class was useful because afterward on the drive home, my then-fiance and I would compare our thoughts on the class, the couple that taught, and communicate about our views and beliefs.  And it was nice to learn that we nearly always agreed with each other on the important issues (perhaps that is why we were getting married, LOL)! 

Overall, I think that it is beneficial and important for all engaged couples to do some sort of exploratory counseling before their wedding.  If you are not getting married in a church or a place that provides these services, I would recommend going to an independent therapist if you have health insurance.  Most health insurance policies cover a select number of counseling sessions per year (usually 6-12), so why not use them if you have them? If you are on Medicaid, you can also find clinics that accept that as well.

Finally, if you are uninsured, or just want to learn more about your partner or work through any relationship issues on your own, I recommend a great book by Dr. John Gottman called the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (click link for image source).  It is an easy to read, practical book about relationship advice, and even includes a fun and comprehensive quiz about how well you know your partner!

Are you and your fiance taking any sort of premarital counseling? If so, has it been helpful for you? Do you think it is something all couples should engage in prior to their wedding?